guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
