I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
