if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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