I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
