I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had sex on a roof
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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