Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
