Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
