my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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