also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My ass is underappreciated
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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