Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
