just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
