it hurts more in the daytime
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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