If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
