We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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