Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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