im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
