Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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