I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea