All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sex in the backyard? Check.