All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going