when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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