And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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