why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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