Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
