Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
