How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
