Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
