you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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