i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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