So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
