i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?