What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal