When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?