can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.