I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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