I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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