I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
