It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
