There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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