what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
