also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the gays at disneyland are vicious
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
