We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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