the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
