I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
