she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The air taste purple.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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