don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
