so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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