You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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