the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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