I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
