capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
