But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
