The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
