I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
