The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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