I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
