the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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