MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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