We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
