HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
