Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
