ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
