If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
