I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
