Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
