I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
