you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize