I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize