Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can text with my tongue
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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