So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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