I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
