I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The air was thick with penises
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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