Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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