"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
