I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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