So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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