I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
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was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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