2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
there is glitter all over my balls
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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