Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Two words: blizzard sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
