look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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