3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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