maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
