if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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