You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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