So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
