life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
