There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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