i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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